“As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. John 15:9
Another form of relationship apart from the husband and wife relationship that closely resembles heavenly attributes is the relationship between parent and child. God intended that our families would be symbols of the family in heaven. The beginning of our lives (with a very few exceptions) starts in a family; mother and father and their offspring(s).
It is something phenomenal for parents to hold their child for the first time in their hands. It is a memory that mothers and fathers will never forget for the rest of their lives. To experience the first eye contact with your child, to observe the first smile, to assist in the first steps, to hear the first words being uttered by your little ones, are experiences God allows parents to have in order to better understand the relationship that exists between God and us – his children.
But as it is with any other relationship, due to sin, parent/child relationships can also be broken. The end result is catastrophic, especially if it is broken at an early age. Many lives are destroyed when parents neglect to nurture and protect the sacredness of this relationship or allow it to be broken. Children carry wounds, grief and unwanted baggage into all their future relationships, including their relationships with their children.
“Patiently, lovingly, as faithful stewards of the manifold grace of Christ, parents are to do their appointed work. It is expected of them that they will be found faithful. Everything is to be done in faith. Constantly they must pray that God will impart His grace to their children. Never must they become weary, impatient, or fretful in their work. They must cling closely to their children and to God. If parents work in patience and love, earnestly endeavoring to help their children to reach the highest standard of purity and modesty, they will succeed.” Adventist Home p.208
Every child brought into the world is the property of God and should be cared for, educated, and loved as the most valuable asset ever given to mankind. This cannot be done well by rules and regulations. It can only be done well by example. Parents should be inspiring examples to their children. With painstaking effort they are to watch and look for the opening of the receptive mind and make every effort to give an education in their home to their children that will enable them to be prepared for the life ahead of them.
In the education of their children, the father and the mother have a unique role to play. Each are highly responsible for the maintenance of the family relationship. They are firstly responsible to maintain a healthy marital relationship; after which to keep their individual, unique relationship with their children. This is a complex process as each child born or adopted in the family is unique and needs unique attention from each of the parents to maintain this relationship. Although it can be challenging, it is not impossible to maintain this complex relationship between each of the parents and individual children. God has enabled us all with the tools and all the information needed for this process.
The Father
“Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.” Psalms 103:13
The word pity used in this Bible translation has the meaning of compassion. This suggests that a father first should be compassionate as the Lord (our heavenly Father) is compassionate towards those who fear and trust in him. We know from the Bible that the Father’s love towards us, mankind, is incomprehensible; beyond any human understanding.
So should it be with the earthly fathers. Him being the head of the family should posses the following characteristics:
- Energy
- Integrity
- Honesty
- Love
- Patience
- Courage
- Diligence
- Practical usefulness
Above all, he should possess strong faith and a relationship with our heavenly Father. It is in many cases that the father is the sole or main bread earner in the family, creating a powerful challenge in delegating his time to spend quality time – one on one with every one of his children (if there are multiple). Although to find the time for this is very difficult, nevertheless it is imperative that he spends a portion of the day with every child, especially in the early ages.
Although there are cases where, due to unfortunate circumstances, the father is missing from the life of the family, making it difficult for the mother to replace the role of the father in the family, his duty can never be transferred. This realisation is important for every one of us fathers. To lead firmly, but at the same time, softly with love, is one of the best qualities a father can possess.
Dictatorial and dominating fathers do much harm to their children. Often fathers think that if they have said something it must be done, even if later it was proven that it was not the best or actually the wrong direction. To be able to say sorry if you have made a mistake shows an enormous strength of character. Often dictatorial and dominant fathers are very egoistic in their character; this makes their relationship with other members of the family, especially with the children, very difficult to maintain.
“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
The Mother
Mothers have the ultimate role to play in the parent/child relationship. She, being the queen of the household, carries a sacred responsibility in educating the children. Being with them, especially in the early stages of the children’s life almost 24/7, gives her an enormous responsibility to convey every aspect of the education needed every moment spent with them. From teaching them how to smile to teaching them how to speak, how to walk, how to love, how to deal with their emotions and simply navigate this confusing world, the mother is like a point of anchor; providing stability, understanding and much needed moral support all the way until she finishes her life on this earth.
While the father often comes home satisfied with the days’ work the mother’s work is never done. At the end of the day she often cannot even tell what the days’ activities encompassed, yet with the little rest she gets she is ready the next day to do it all over again. Her work is often not valued until a much later stage of the children’s life. She is the ultimate giver. And all this unbeknown to her was implanted by God in her DNA.
As one observes little girls playing with their dolls, this quality is clearly seen even at an early age. God has appointed the mother’s work and she is considered by God as one of the greatest missionaries in the world. Her work is to mold characters, preparing them for life on this earth and for eternity. Her influence reaches into eternity. Her self-denial, her resolute work will enrol her in the book of immortal fame.
“The tenderest earthly tie is that between the mother and her child. The child is more readily impressed by the life and example of the mother than by that of the father, for a stronger and more tender bond of union unites them.” Testimonies for the Church vol.4 p.536
The Children
While the responsibility of maintaining parent/child relationships rests largely on the parents, children must also do their part when at an age of understanding to contribute to this process. The Bible clearly states that it is their duty to do this.
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right. Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;) That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” Ephesians 6:1-3
Obedience to our parents in the Lord is not only a duty valid while the children share the same household with the parents. It is a lifelong (until the parents are alive) duty to honour and obey our father and mother in the Lord.
Of course the emphasis here is on the phrase “in the Lord”. There are parents; even Christian parents that do not maintain a close relationship with God and expect their children to do things that are against God’s will. There the choice of honouring God must take precedence over obeying unfaithful parents’ wishes. In every decision in this matter we as children have a choice: to obey God or our earthly parents. To decide if that what our parents expect from us is in harmony with God’s will, we should always ask ourselves the question: Will this honour my heavenly Father? And if the answer is yes, then it will definitely honour our earthly father and mother, making the parent child relationship even stronger, more beautiful; an example of heaven on this earth.
Let us all take some time to analyse the part we play in this parent/child relationship independent of the role we are in; wether a parent (mother or father) or child. We all contribute to the maintenance and strengthening of this relationship. The extent of the success this relationship will achieve, will depend on the effort each of us put in daily. Let’s do the best we can by the help and grace of God, especially in these days we live in when family is under direct attack by Satan. Let us endeavor to have model parent/child relationships, reflecting the principles of heaven upon this dark world we are surrounded by. May God be our guide and support in achieving this.
In the next article we will take a look at another relationship although a bit more distant but still important: Relatives – close or distant.